Finding Our Way

Discussing the "P" word

2010-11-08T17:57:00.000-08:00

I was pretty close with my grandmother on my father's side. Born in 1901, she lived 86 years and experienced a lot of life. I trusted her instincts and usually took her advice, figuring being around for that long should count for something, right?

One of piece of advice my grandma gave me was that you should never talk politics. "You should always vote Missy," she would say,"but you shouldn't always say who you voted for or why."

As a child, this confused me, but now that I am an adult... I look back on that advice and realize there was real wisdom in her words. Coming out of another highly charged election cycle has left me understanding how messy our relationships can get when we talk politics.

Don't get me wrong, I am not an "all things politics" hater. Actually, I really get into it. I research candidates, read their tax plans, find out where they stand on foreign policy issues and learn about their experience. All the stuff that makes normal people die with boredom, sort of thrills me. Warped, I know.

However, since becoming a Christian I have become a bit jaded by the whole thing. What was once something that thrilled me, has left me disappointed and frustrated.

I don't feel this way because enlightenment in God has left me disinterested in the process, no not at all. My feelings stem from expecting more out of my fellow believers. There. I said it. Start throwing your rotten tomatoes at me, or anything else that will leave a mark. Friends, my frustration is with "us".

I know as Christians we strive to be like Christ, but live understanding we will ultimately fall short because (drum roll)... we are not Christ. But, knowing we are not perfect doesn't mean we have to throw in the towel and act in our flesh. However, what it does mean, is that we must be more vigilant than ever of our words and actions. Realizing that the world will only know of God, what we - the community of believers - show them.

Let me ask you then... what, this election cycle, have we shown them? Have we been people of integrity who focus on issues or people of idle gossip who attack without care? Have our facebook posts been that of uplifting statements, or ones that were meant to tear others down? Have we prayed for those we don't support along with praying for those we do support? Have we been like Christ?

I ask these questions not only as a challenge to you, my fellow believers, but as a challenge to myself. Being so interested in politics leaves me especially vulnerable to letting my mouth get ahead of my heart. But, no matter how passionately we believe in a political ideology, it should never come before our Christian witness.

Please don't misunderstand me here. I am not saying Christians stay out of the game, sit back and have no political opinion. On the contrary, I encourage everyone to prayerfully come to an educated opinion on all the issues facing our world today and find a level of involvement they feel called to. However, when it comes to expressing opinions and becoming involved, we need to be above reproach in both our words and actions.

More than anyone else I know, I respect my father in law Bob when it comes to reflecting Christ. Even when discussing politics, he conducts himself in a way that walks the line of staying true to his convictions but respecting opposing views and those who hold them.

He does this by consistently following these guidelines...

1. Speak in truth. (Do not unwittingly pass on false information. Researching a topic may take some time, but in the end it can save your reputation and a lot of hurt)

2. Speak in love. (We are definitely allowed to communicate our opinions, but that does not give us license to belittle others, question their intelligence or commitment to Christ)

3. Above all, love Christ first. (Passion is definitely acceptable in politics, but it should pale in comparison with our love for Christ)

I think if my Grandmother were alive today, she would feel very justified in her advice. Divisions seems more stark than ever and the impulse to join in is great. However, God calls us to more than just choosing an ideological camp to follow. He calls us to spread the love of Christ in all things, including our political discussions.

It's a challenge, but imagine the how we as believers could positively impact the culture today by following Bob's example and being Christ like even in our politics.

"May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other -- each with the attitude of Christ Jesus toward the other. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5-6

Jesus of Nazareth: Guest Blogger

2010-10-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

Jesus of Nazareth, by Bradley O'Neill

In the New Testament we find numerous names to describe who Jesus was and what he did. People called him prophet, savior, messiah, and even lord. But others called him fraud, phony, fake, and even liar. We know one thing for sure though; Jesus was a fabulous teacher and a great example to everyone. He helped the poor, told his stories of wisdom and power, and gave everyone that was around him hope. This is Jesus, the Teacher and the Example.

Jesus was a natural leader. He had many followers and also had 12 disciples that helped spread his word around the world. People looked to him for every piece of advice they could come up with. For one example, the story of Jesus counseling the rich, young ruler. This certain ruler asks Jesus a question everyone wants to know the answer to. He asks, “ Good teacher, what is the secret to eternal life?” Jesus responds with, “ Why do you call me Good? No one is good but One, that is, God. You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not bear false witness,’ ‘Honor your mother and father.’”

This ruler replies, “ All these things I have kept from my youth.” Jesus said, “ But you missed one thing. Look at all that you have and distribute it among the poor. Then you shall have more than you could ever wish for in heaven.”

He was also a very wise man. He told one story to a group of people who needed some wisdom in their life. The story goes like this,

“ Once a man built his house on a foundation of stone. He dug through the sand to find this stone. Another man, his neighbor, decided it was too much work to dig through the sand and thought his neighbor was being ridiculous. So he decided to build his house right on top of the sand. Once they both were done, a big storm abruptly came into the area. The storm was very violent, and washed the man with his house and the foundation of sand, away. But the man with the foundation of stone, survived the storm and went out the next day to find his neighbor gone.”

Now who was smarter, the man with the foundation of stone or the man with the foundation of sand? My point exactly.

Jesus was very generous. He showed compassion and love to everyone around him. And when I say everyone, I mean, everyone. He gave to the poor, helped the weak, taught others of his truth, and gave everyone uplifting and hopeful teachings. Like the one story, where Jesus passed through Galilee and met ten lepers there. Now, lepers were considered gross, nasty, and disgusting. Not many people got near them. In fact, they had their own place to live when they got it. So when they saw Jesus, they asked him right away if they would cleanse him. Normally, if this were any other man on the street, they would be seen as a grody and sick group and he/she would start to walk in the other direction. But Jesus was different. He saw a group in need of help and healing and walked straight toward that group. He said, “Go, show yourself to the priests.” As they did this, they were cleansed on the way over there.

He was a very progressive thinker, or “radical”. You could almost think of him as the “rebel” of his day. He always said that there are no rules to get into heaven, only by grace alone you need. Now this was fantastic with a lot of people. But for some people, like the Pharisees, did not like this at all. For them it meant they would lose their role in society and their power. This is why many times the Pharisees questioned Jesus’ power and wisdom. Jesus would always give them an answer replying to their ignorance.

This is why, eventually, Jesus was arrested and betrayed by one of his own disciples. His disciple was sold out for gold and silver. He predicted that Peter, the one who betrayed him, would deny him 3 times after he is arrested. Which, was again, true. Once Jesus was captured he was sentenced to be crucified on a cross until death. Which happened, but as the story goes, he rose three days after his death. Then the Pharisees were in shock.

He was also very courageous. Although every odd was against him, he still fought for what was right. Like helping the sick, giving to the poor, giving women rights, etc. He also went against almost everything the Pharisees said. He stood in front of large crowds, fed 5,000 (as the story goes), and even stood in front of people that had the bodasity to kill someone with stones. One example is where a group of people with a couple of Pharisees brought in a woman who committed adultery. It says right in the Ten Commandments that no person should commit adultery. They wished to stone her. Although, Jesus had other plans for her. He drew a line in the sand, and said, “The person that has never sinned, please, cast the first stone.” And one by one, each member of the group left the temple. He looked to the sinner and said, “Everyone left. Go, sin no more.”

He had nothing, and yet he shared everything. He was selfless. Everything he got, he shared. His stories, his passion, his truth, his life, and his legacy. The only things he didn’t share were his pain, and his suffering. He took what should have been everyone else’s pain and kept it to himself on the cross. That was the biggest selfless act in the bible. He took all their acts of sin and wrongness and brought it up with him on the cross. Now if that’s not selfless, I don’t know what is.

He was a caring man. His love and kindness was an example to everyone around the world. He gave to the poor and showed love, kindness, and even hung out with the criminals of those days. The reason he did this is because he thought everyone deserved a second chance, and the way to get that was through his truth. For him it wasn’t just a saying, like “I’m Christian”. No, it was much more than that. It was a lifestyle. Not like rules and stuff, but living for God and doing everything in his name as much as you could. I’m a carpenter, and I do it in the name of Christ. I’m a blacksmith, and I do it in the name of Christ. I’m a teacher, and I do it in the name of Christ. That is what he wanted to hear. That was his legacy.

Jesus was a strong man. He never let anything get him down. He was tempted, tried convicted, teased, and even beaten, yet he still stuck for what he thought was right. He said that he would change the future world. And he has. Many people believe Jesus Christ was the risen savior, and many believe he was a good man. But it doesn’t matter. All we know is that Jesus was the greatest example the world has ever seen that has come to perfect. Jesus was an amazing leader, a great friend, and a great example for what everyone wants to be. Everyone says, “What would Jesus do?” Well, there’s a reason for that. Because he is, the example.

Finally, I talk about how Jesus affected the world today. He was the greatest influencer the world has ever seen. Plato, Socrates, and Aristotle all taught their philosophies. But none compare to Jesus’. He was the most renowned person to ever live. Today, more than 1/3 of the world believe in Jesus Christ. That’s more than 2.2 billion people! The reason he is so popular is because he brought peace, kindness, compassion, mercy, and everything this world didn’t have before him. Jesus always thought of others before him. He always stuck up for others. He was always kind and caring. He never backed down. This is, Jesus, the teacher and the example.

Looking up.

2010-09-22T07:18:00.001-07:00

Have you ever forgotten about a food item in your pantry or fridge, neglecting it so long that your first hint is the putrid smell alerting you something rotten is afoot? Come on, I know I am not the only one. You walk in the door after being out all morning and get bowled over by the smell of a nasty, decaying... "something".

This happened in my home not that long ago. The smell started out innocent enough and initially, I thought it was no more than the garbage needing a change or maybe even that our dog had tangled with some rank grass. But the next day the smell was even worse. It was bad, very bad. However, despite my efforts to find the culprit, I could not figure out where the awful odor was coming from.

Removing the "stink" from our spirit can be equally as hard to do. Because our human nature works against this very process, we tend to hold on to rotting wounds. As a result, the smell of our pain seeps out and infects our aroma. Instead of having the glorious scent of a child of Christ, we smell more like the dumpsters behind the food court at the mall.

I have to admit, there were days in the past couple of years where my heart truly stunk. Unsure how to let go of a deep wound, I struggled almost daily.

However, I began to take note of people in my life who, because of relying solely on God, have been able to shed this nasty habit of holding on to hurt. They forgive fast and furious, with out reservation. Surface scrapes and deep gashes alike are all covered under the veil of Christ. With these folks, they are constantly looking up from a place of humility, conscious of their own failures.

How do they do this? They have accepted and live in the this truth: "I was most unworthy, yet Christ forgave me."

I longed to be like these hyper-forgivers. Not just forgiving the lesser offenses, but truly forgiving the great ones.

In the Book of Romans, Paul speaks at length about this subject. Even though he begins by talking to believers about people who deny the truth of God, in chapter two his talk takes a sharp turn. Paul actually tells the followers that by judging the unbelievers (and ignoring their own failings) they are also sinning against God. Imagine that! Read what he says in chapter three:

As scriptures say

“No one is righteous— not even one.
No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God.
All have turned away; all have become useless.
No one does good, not a single one.”

“Their talk is foul, like the stench from an open grave.
Their tongues are filled with lies.”

“Snake venom drips from their lips.”
“Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.”

“They rush to commit murder. Destruction and misery always follow them.
They don’t know where to find peace.”

“They have no fear of God at all.” Romans 3:10-18

Pretty scathing list of character attributes. However detailed the charges in Romans are against humanity, equally as clear is the promise of righteousness through Christ Jesus Himself.

"But now God has shown us a way to be made right with him without keeping the requirements of the law, as was promised in the writings of Moses and the prophets long ago. We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are." Romans 3:19-20

Paul goes on to say that we all have fallen short and even so, God looks on us with undeserved kindness and declares us righteous. So, despite the snake venom seeping from our lips, Christ Jesus extends His worth crushing the serpents head.

I finally found the source of the stench in my home. It was a half empty bag of rotten potatoes hiding in the bottom corner of my pantry, truly gross. However, still hid away in the deep of my heart was a seeping wound from nearly two years ago. To be honest, it was causing a much worse smell in my heart than the potatoes in the pantry.

Inspired by the example of the hyper-forgivers, I began to ask God for the desire to heal. He answered loud and clear. Soon, I began seeking out face to face encounters with my pain and the result was exhilarating. My heart began this rapid process of renewal and before long, the bitterness was replaced with the sweet smell of grace.

Choosing to heal was quite honestly, a scary decision. The hurt had become this sort of comfortable part of me. However, through the power of Christ and the examples of others, I am now looking up... remembering that "I was most unworthy, yet Christ forgave me."

Marriage Ref IV | Selflessness smells good

2010-06-04T15:40:00.000-07:00

On my way into the room I noticed my husband Dan had beat me there. He was busy setting up tables and neatly lining the chairs at each side. Every few moments, he would stand back, survey the room, tweak a table or two then repeat the whole process. About thirty minutes later when he was sure the room was "just right", he kissed me on the cheek telling me how proud he was of me.

I was teaching a coupon class at church and to be honest, that really didn't interest him. However, what did interest him was my interest. If the class meant something to me, then he found value in it also.

Years ago Dr. Kevin Leman, a well know Christian Psychologist and author, wrote a book called Sex Begins in the Kitchen. In it he describes the purpose of the book.

"Sex begins in the Kitchen is premised on the idea that your mate ought to be the number-one priority in your life; that a good marital relationship is based upon pleasing each other, being sensitive and tuned-in to each other's emotional as well as sexual needs."

Later on that same page he gives the grim state of many marriages...

"Unfortunately, in most marriages, couples seem to live in a 'married-singles' lifestyle. In too many of these homes nothing at all happens behind bedroom doors. And if a sexual relationship does exist, it occurs only as a ritual or a duty, a few minutes squeezed in after the late news and before Letterman."

Dan and I saw that separation, or as Leman calls it "married singleness", in marriage after marriage. Fearful we might take the same road, we decided to be purposeful toward one another. We began to cleave to those couples around us who seemed to still be "in love", learn from them and adopt our own helpful ways.

Understand, I am not simply talking about sex here. I am talking about intimacy, which goes hand in hand with a healthy sexual marital relationship.

::truth::
the only path to true intimacy in a marriage | become "selfless"

When a husband or wife adopts a selfless attitude, intimacy abounds! Just as Christ sacrificed for all of us, we are called to do the same for our spouse.

"Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."
Ephesians 5:2

Scripture is clear that we are to be filled with love and sacrifice, this is "... a pleasing aroma to God." I don't know about you, but I want God to like my smell!

Dan taking time out of his day to set up for my coupon class wasn't a huge sacrifice. It was more along the lines of a small part of a much larger plan... "To live a life filled with love and sacrifice" for both his God and his wife. This left God pleased and me overwhelmed.

Remember...

the only path to true intimacy in a marriage | become "selfless"

Dr. Leman says "Sex begins in the kitchen", but I say when we become selfless, sex begins now!

[To get more information about Dr. Leman's awesome marriage and parenting resources, check out his website.]

Marriage Ref III - Keeping the Mystery

2010-05-20T06:06:00.000-07:00

Successful first dates are an incredible dance of manners, shy looks, nervous laughs and endless flirtation. Attraction for this person runs high and you find yourself wondering "How can I make sure this doesn't end?"

More often than not the butterflies in our stomach control the situation keeping all senses on high alert. Thoughts race through your mind and it is as if your entire being is working in cooperation of one common goal... "Keep his [or her] interest peaked."

In a situation such as this it wouldn't seem in the realm of possibility to exhibit bad manners. After all, we want this person to be attracted to us... right? Burping, farting and other expressions of bodily functions would just be, well, bad taste.

However, it seems after some time passes and the newness of a relationship wanes, these standards of behavior begin to fade. Then, before you know it, all politeness has disappeared and with it, much of the mystery has also.

For those of you already arming yourselves with rotten fruit... I ask that you hold off, at least for the moment. :-) I realize I am expressing a somewhat minority view, stepping on the toes of married / serious couples everywhere. However I ask you to consider this radical idea...

- What if the dance of flirtation and attraction could be sustained in a marriage relationship through preserving the mystery of one's body? Let me explain. -
My husband Dan and I are often teased by our friends for our "newly wed" type behavior. While our love has certainly grown over the years, what may surprise you, is our attraction has too! I look at his face and literally feel short of breath. Butterflies still grace my tummy from time to time and his kiss still makes me weak in the knees. Really.

How can this happen after 12 years of true ups and downs... of reaching the brink of divorce and coming back again? He still pursues me. Dan decided early on to not display any behavior in front of me that he didn't want me showing in front of him. This has translated into an unspoken rule in the Rutty household: "Bodily functions are saved for the bathroom." To help explain, I asked Dan to give you his point of view!

[DAN HERE]
Lets face it, "Till death do us part" is a long time. When we were young, one or two years was a long time to be with someone. After awhile we were bored with that person and on to someone else. All the sudden we're standing at the altar saying "I do" with someone, thinking more about the honeymoon than forever.

When Melissa and I were married, we were head over heels for each other but we realized passions can fade. So with statistics against us, we had to have a plan to keep the fire alive. This was, and still is, our plan: Treat everyday as if it's our first day together. That may sound difficult, but it's actually very exciting. The first day together is fun right? Yeah, it's work, but the chills are worth it all. At almost 40 years old, I work hard to attract her physically, and spiritually. The result? She does the same for me and our love is more heated than ever. We're healthy, we're growing as friends, lovers, parents and Christ followers.

Don't get me wrong, there are times we hold each others head while we puke. That stuff happens. But, there is a true difference between a helpless situation and just walking up to your partner and belching in their face. One makes me want to comfort, the other just makes me disgusted.

It works. Give it a try!

[MELISSA HERE AGAIN]

This seemingly small decision has done wonders for our marriage. At some of our most difficult points, when I wondered "Are we going to make it?", my attraction for him never waned. It was always there. The mystery survived it all and is still thriving today. :-)

I am grateful that my husband is so purposeful in his pursuit of me. In return, it motivates me to look and feel my best for him. I can't imagine our relationship any other way.

When sharing this philosophy with friends I often hear "Well... it is certainly too late for that with us.", or "We gave up on mystery a long time ago." To be honest, that saddens me! I believe it is never too late.

Pursue him [or her] with your mind and body.
Try this, I promise you will not be disappointed. Don't give in to the mindset that time passing should automatically equate lessened attraction for husband and wife. God purposed marriage for fulfillment and joy... not downhill disappointment.

Look no further than Song of Soloman [Song of Songs] for an example of what, with a little work, our marriage relationship can be!

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.

Song of Soloman 2:3-6

Read more Song of Songs here.

This, I believe, is one of those situations where a little effort can garner a HUGE return. My challenge is: Purposely pursue your spouse with your MIND and BODY and then... enjoy the results!

Marriage Ref - Part II

2010-05-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

As parents, my husband and I are constantly trying to reinforce Godly principles in all areas of our kid's lives. Whether it is in helping a neighbor, serving at Church or offering forgiveness in those ever present sibling arguments... chances to learn are plentiful.

And just when we think we have begun to get the hang of it, our oldest became a teenager!

[exhale]

With that came a whole new set of "teachable moments"... the greatest of which has been relationships between males and females.

What is appropriate?

How close is too close?

What does God say about these friendships?

Though we spend much of our time covering these topics with our son, I spend even more time covering these issues with the women I mentor.

In our next installment of Marriage Ref, I would like to tackle this well debated topic. And even though this article is titled Marriage Ref, we will share a bit about singles and their struggles with this challenge. (Don't forget to share your thoughts also!)

Friendships, whether between the same or opposite sex, almost always involve a deep knowledge of the other person's hopes, dreams, thoughts and personality. Sharing these intimate details leads to further sharing, intense bonding and spiritual connection.

When this type of closeness happens between a male and female, the waters tend to be muddied. In other words, this action of intimacy and companionship the two become involved in, infringes on what is meant for marriage.

[result] tight friendships between men and women almost always leave one of the parties confused, frustrated and disappointed.

Inevitably, someone develops feelings... the pursuit of these feelings leaves an awkwardness for singles and a potential disaster for those who are married.

[truth] play with fire and you will get burned

I realize that speaking in absolutes can be annoying. However, in my experience with mentoring, everyone thinks...

"My situation is different."

"My friendship with him [or her] is the exception."

"None of those consequences will happen to us."

I have heard these arguments from married and single women alike. To assume you are somehow superhuman and above temptations that befall the rest of us is naive at best. Actually, I believe it is dangerous and foolish... no one is immune.

Am I saying men and women should avoid one another completely? Only speaking when in pursuit of romantic relationships... no! I believe these types of friendships can be both rewarding and harmless IF they follow some basic principles. For those of you who are single, we find counsel in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 regarding how unmarried believers are to treat one another:

"Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."

As Christians, God calls on us to live in community with one another (I Corinthians 12: 24b-26).

Serve in ministry together

Study God's word with one another

Go out together

Eat dinner together

Enjoy movies with one another

The catch...? I believe these actions need to be done in a group setting. Operating with in these boundaries offers a safe place for friendships to flourish and less of a chance for signals to cross. Hearts are more likely to be protected as are reputations.

Although the guidelines we discussed above seem like they would work fine for those of us who are married, I would say they are incomplete at best.

As a spouse, we are not only called to be faithful, but to honor our partner with our entire life. The best way to ensure success in this is to decide your behavior ahead of time.

[be proactive]

My husband Dan and I have a strict rule we follow... Neither I nor he has close friendships outside of one another with someone of the opposite sex.

Case in point. I have a great friend with whom I share interests with in production, computers and all that is geek. He and I laugh, joke and serve God together. However, Dan's friendship with him is equally as strong. Do you see how that might deter inappropriate feelings from forming?

Deciding behavior early releases us from the consequences of in the moment decisions. If we have already set guidelines then we are more likely to act with logic and have our families best interest in mind.

To truly love our spouse is to protect them by showing honor and respect for their feelings. (1 Corinthian 13:7)

Instead of asking the question "Why can't I?", how about remembering "I get to." God has blessed the union of marriage with so many gifts... close, intimate friendship being merely one of them.

You may be thinking... "I don't have that," or "My spouse isn't wired that way." I challenge you to throw that thinking out the window and begin the action of honoring your spouse in your friendships today. Change will happen.

However, regardless of our spouse's behavior, God calls on us to act accordingly and submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.(Ephesians 5:21)

M. Gary Neuman a noted marriage counselor and the author of Emotional Infidelity: How to Avoid It and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Marriage says, “You don’t have to have sex with anyone else to be unfaithful. Emotional infidelity is just as—and at times even more—destructive to your marriage.” He goes on to share, “We forget the emotional harm of relating to someone outside the marriage [especially] when that same energy can be used to relate to our own spouse”.

Friends, I don't share these thoughts, opinions and experiences lightly. I share them because at one time I made all the wrong decisions. My mind was set and there wasn't room for compromise... it nearly cost me my marriage. It pains me to see women (and men) needlessly go down the same road. God offers guidelines, or as I call them - GOD lines -, not as a limitation but as a protection offering us the fullest relationship experience possible.

Follow His word and I promise, you will not regret it.

Stay tuned for Marriage Ref Part III...

Marriage Ref

2010-05-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

Marriage can be an incredible gift that two people share in. A union that surpasses any best friend experience or even the bond between "blood" family members. In marriage, as God purposed, is a bond stronger than anything you can imagine.

He speaks in Ephesians of how husband and wife are to love one another.

God instructs us in Genesis 2:24 that man is to leave his mother and father... becoming one with his wife.

And in Ecclesiastes He tells man to enjoy this life with his wife.

At any rate, we can see marriage is important to God! To be specific... not just marriage, but a happy marriage. Which begs the question, how do we get that?

My husband and I are crazy in love. Any of you who know us personally have seen this in action. However... it wasn't always so good. Don't get me wrong, I always loved him and he always loved me. But, to be honest, we almost didn't make it. Why you ask? Get ready for the shocker - Love isn't enough.

To have a great marriage takes so much more! Our world is confused and desperate over this issue. This topic so alludes us that we will buy books, attend seminars and the like to find the key to a successful marriage.

Heck, the topic is so popular even Hollywood has caught on. The Marriage Ref, a show on NBC created by Jerry Seinfeld considers arguments husbands and wives have, judges them and declares a winner. Wow... if it were only that easy, right?

God is the ultimate "Marriage Ref". Through His word we have guidelines of all sorts. In fact, if followed, the instructions can heal the most broken of relationships. I know this because it healed mine.

So... over the next few blogs I would like to share about God's instructions for a successful marriage. This is important not only for we who are married, but for single friends also. So much hurt can be spared if we learn this God's way early on!

Please, as we take this journey share your thoughts and wisdom. Ask questions. Consider and share your own advice.

Can't wait to tackle this with all of you! :-)

"Father God... may we continue to grow in our knowledge of You!"

Hello again...

2010-05-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

First things first:
I know I have been absent from the blog world for some time. Our family has gone through some changes that have kept me pretty busy. A few months back I took on a full time job! Although it has been an adjustment time wise, I have been blessed in that I can work from home. Our God is a God of provision and I am thankful that He is in the details.

However, now that I have been at this new schedule for some time I feel like I might be able to take blogging back on. Maybe not in an "everyday sense"... most likely in a somewhat "consistent sense". :-)

For those of you out there who enjoy sharing thoughts and feelings about finding our way through a Christ centered life... I am excited to see what lies ahead!

He loves [and calls me to do the same]

2010-03-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

The greatest people I have known, the ones who left the biggest mark on both myself and this world... were great lovers of people.

They defied all logic. Loving those who hurt them, cheated them, cursed them and even left them. They showed love beyond everything, leaving myself and others confused. When asked where this love capacity came from, they all had the same answer... "God. He loves and calls me to do the same."

Jesus agreed and in His attempts to get this point across, He answered a lot of questions. On one of those occasions, an expert of the law questioned Jesus.

"Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"

He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "

"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live." Luke 10: 25-28 NLT

Seems clear enough, doesn't it? Love the Lord and love your neighbors. However, I would dare to say this command trips us up more than any other.

Like the man questioning Jesus in Luke 10, we want further definition. Who is our neighbor? Who do we have to love?

In a time when lines are drawn because of race, religion, political affiliations and a host of other reasons to divide... we have many reasons to overlook Jesus' call to love, don't we? However when I think of those people, the ones who loved so well, they didn't find reason not to. On the contrary, they always found a reason to [love].

Jesus challenged the man as to the concept of who his neighbor really was, who he was called to love. In doing so, he encouraged the man to go outside of his box, love people beyond his comfort and understanding.

I challenge you and I to the same today... to love.

In these politically charged times we have confused love with an acceptance of one truth over another. We think that if we show love to a person we disagree with, it is a sort of weakness for our own platform and an elevation of another. However, I disagree.

Showing love to those most opposite of yourself, reflects an absolute certainty or resolve in your own convictions. It says, "God loves and He calls me to do the same."

"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 1Corinthians 13:1"

Please, fight the urge to the noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. Instead, show love.

When they pray...

2010-01-14T12:48:00.000-08:00

I love listening to children pray. To me, there is nothing more pure and honest than a child opening their heart to God. They do not filter their comments based on what others think. When you tell them "Say what's on your heart.", the funny thing is... they do it!

So it was two nights ago when Dan was leading our boys in bed time prayers. I stood outside the door eavesdropping and heard Josh and Brad share their hearts.

Brad:
"Be with Arthur, heal him Lord."

Josh:
"Lord be with Jordan and let her go to the church Daddy found so she can learn more about You."

Brad:
"God help AmberLynn and Chelsea to heal quickly."

Josh:
"God, help us to have a great day at school tomorrow."

Brad:
"Lord I just pray that mom's talk would go well and that it would change people for you."

Josh:
"God, let mommy's talk help lots of women."

The prayers went on and as they did, my heart soared. I was lost in love over the depth in which my children feel. Bradley cares about the health of people and trusts that God can heal them. Joshua wants his sister to find a church home in Michigan so she too can know more about Jesus. And most surprising, they both care about my ministry!

I say most surprising because it seems so removed from them. Bradley, my 13 year old, did not know any of my story until a few days ago. I shared my history with him and explained that because of my past decisions, I now desire to see women heal as I have been healed. However with Joshua, because of his young age I have not shared anything other than "Mommy wants to help women."

So... when they prayed I was surprised.

I walked back to my room, tears running down my cheeks and speechless.

So grateful that God is shaping and molding our children.
So grateful that God is teaching them the power of prayer when they are young.
So grateful that God allows me glimpses into their growth.

And most importantly, grateful that they are learning to have a heart that reaches outside of themselves.

My prayer as a mother is that this direction continues and that we as parents are the model for them.

I want them to see how when we trust in this action of prayer faith grows, hearts change and worship happens.

I will teach all your children,
and they will enjoy great peace.
Isaiah 54:13

Kryptonite.

2010-01-06T13:07:00.000-08:00

Hello all. First and foremost, let me apologize for my prolonged absence! It seems with Christmas and all my family duties, church duties and traveling... time got away from me. However, something happened over the break that I really felt the need to share with you all...

Every once in awhile something leaves our lips that is beyond wise and actually borders on prophetic. I wish I could say that I said something recently that falls into this category, however, my story centers around a comment made not by me, but by my husband Dan.

Dan and I spent the last 11 years together. In that time we have laughed, cried, learned and loved. I am truly blessed to have such an incredible husband who still pursues me, even after all these years. But even more, I have a best friend. And like any best friend, he knows me. He knows my likes, dislikes, good moments, bad moments and all that is me. So, it makes sense that he had such an insight... but nonetheless, the revelation was still pretty stunning.

Over Christmas we visited family. Because we are both from Michigan it meant loading up the car and hitting the road for twelve hours. On the "in-between drive", the one after visiting my family but before visiting his, Dan shared some thoughts with me.

We were discussing my relationship with my family and where I grew up (loaded statement, right?).

To remind you... (I have shared about this before)

How, for me, my home town is a visible reminder of past choices.
How when I visit, I feel like every bad choice I made
is staring right back at me.

How, when I am there, I am no longer Melissa, mother of three, wife of Dan, daughter of Christ...
but instead, I am that young girl again. The one who was empty inside and made destructive choices in desperate attempts to be filled.

In our discussion Dan threw it out there... "Melissa, going home is your Kryptonite." He continued to point out how normally, I am a strong, outspoken person... one who glows of Christ. "But," he said, "when you visit home, you lose your joy and become quiet. You are not you."

Wow. Kryptonite. He has never been so right. I knew going home was hard for me and I struggled with it for years, however this was more. Dan was saying "This changes you."

I guess I act different because I fear they all see the old me. That somehow, the grace of God is invisible to them and this leaves me powerless. I couldn't be more wrong...

2nd Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

Paul wrote this passage to Timothy while in prison in Rome. Only Luke the Physician and Paul's coworker remained with him. Many scholars believe Paul suspected his death was near and that he wrote to Timothy in hopes that Timothy might come to Rome.

Paul goes on to say...

"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." 2 Timothy 1:8-10

Paul was right. God has given us His spirit and that spirit is not one of fear... or timidity. It is one of power, of love. So I need to let go of the shame that creeps in when I visit home. I need to again, lay it at the feet of the One Who's grace is alive in me. God's power doesn't suddenly leave me when I cross the city limits... but I have realized I pull away from Him.

Trusting in His grace is somewhat easy here, safe at home in North Carolina. However, real faith happens when in the face of all that was, I choose to believe that He is all there is.

Kryptonite or not, God is molding me...turning up the heat every once in awhile, exposing remains from the past that need to go. I only pray that I can be like Paul, rejoicing in the suffering and growing in His power.

Tiptoeing the Truth.

2009-12-01T11:59:00.000-08:00

Hello all... a good friend asked I share this on my blog. I wrote it back in the summer but for some reason didn't decide to post it until she urged me to (thanks cathy!)My aim with this is to open discussion, not criticize. So please keep the arrows at a minimum! lol.

I am not what one might consider a typical woman. My idea of a stellar afternoon would be one spent discussing social justice issues and following it up with a great political debate. I try and educate myself about current affairs and believe it is my duty as a citizen to do so. I can reach a threshold when it comes to shopping and home parties make me want to hurl. Now, this may not seem too controversial, however I am a Pastor’s wife. And with that I have found comes a boatload of expectations. The expectations are so great, that after only four months into my role as a Pastor’s wife I was cut to pieces over my lack of involvement in our church’s women’s ministry. I was accused of being a poor example and sending the wrong message to other women. After all, if staff wives aren’t involved, what does that say about our ministry?

In the interest of full disclosure, I should let you know I did not grow up in the church. In fact, I did not become a Christian until I was 24 years old. So my view of women’s ministry is undoubtedly affected by my personal experience. When I was saved I really wanted to purge my past life, but could not find a safe place to share and heal. This is a failure of the church, as a whole and not a condition our women’s ministry needs to entirely own. However, I believe we should be at the forefront of fixing the problem.

Over the past few years I have realized most women don’t fit the “typical” mold assigned to us. We are all uniquely made. And my dislike of home parties has more to do with what I see as faulty assumptions about women than the actual act of selling in your home. We are not solely emotional beings. We are capable of depth and we desire to impact the world around us. What I have found is most women desire purpose. So, I am left to ask you, is your ministry providing purpose?

Please know I am not condemning women’s ministry as a whole. Nor am I suggesting we reinvent the wheel. There are many things women’s ministry does right. For example, most churches offer a variety of bible studies, social events and connection luncheons. These aspects of ministry can serve as a great foundation in defining a purpose. However, many ministries stop here. They fail to leverage the connections made at these social functions and in doing so fall short of impacting their communities. Instead, a holy huddle of sorts is formed where we serve one another through dinners, encouraging phone calls, notes of appreciation and the like. Which is not necessarily bad. But, as we focus on one another, who is showing love to the women beyond our church walls? Who is focusing on them?

Because we are all uniquely made, it is difficult to design a ministry that appeals to all women. We need not fight that losing battle. What we can do is recognize the diversity and switch things up from time to time. Providing choices in both topic and schedule may make it easier and more appealing for women to be involved. Instead of holding all our bible studies at the church in the middle of the day, realize some women work. Offer evening groups or maybe a lunchtime coffee shop option. Consider shaking up your topic selection as well. Remember, women are capable of depth and most desire to go outside of the box.

If we ignore the warning signs before us, our ministries may be doing more than leaving many women out… we may actually be excluding the next generation. In our midst are young women who desire to radically love the unlovable. They desire to be more than what is traditionally expected of them. When I speak with these women rarely are any of them connected to a women’s ministry organization. Instead, they usually identify with young adults groups that empower women to go beyond the norm. Here they find options in growth and service and, most importantly, they say they are finding purpose.

Please do interpret my comments as a doom and gloom opinion. It is not my aim to discourage women’s ministry leaders. If anything, we women need to speak up more often. Our leaders cannot read our minds. If we continue to tiptoe around the truth we only prolong the problem. If you are a leader, listen to your women. Consider non-typical means of reaching out and don’t underestimate God’s ability to impact your community through your ministry. Women, if you are part of a ministry, share your desires with your leader. Suggest ways you can impact women in your community. Assist in creating a safe environment for healing and by all means seek out purpose!
I suspect many women feel just as I do and agree that we have tiptoed around the truth long enough. I feel we cannot deny the fact women are being excluded in the current form our ministry is operating in. I know countless women, including myself, who are ready to embrace change… the question is, are you?

Community

2009-11-20T17:35:00.000-08:00

Tuesdays have become one of my favorite days of the week, although, most of the time it is forgotten. Mashed between the ever dreaded Monday and the most infamous of the week days, hump day, it garners little fame and quietly passes us by. However, I have grown fond of it and wake up each week excited about what lies ahead.

For me the enticement is the group of ladies I meet with. The group is diverse, ranging from the mid twenties to middle age. Some are married, some are not. Some of us have children and some are hoping for them. For two hours each week we study God's word, share our stories and pray for one another in going forward. I have found these ladies to not only be an encouragement, but also a source of inspiration.

God means for us to live in support of each other in this way. His church is meant to be a resource for this type of living... teaching us, leading us and preparing us to replicate the mindset in our own communities. However, I have found this purpose can be lost in the mix sometimes. Often, it is set aside in the drive to grow larger. Managing the two can be challenging at best, but... it can be done.

Almost daily I hear an encouraging story about churches who defy the norm and concern themselves with community while also, growing larger! For these churches, growing larger isn't the concern... however, growing their impact is.

I think of a church in Charlotte that my best friend Christina attends. This church picked up and moved their meeting place in order to better a community that had fallen on hard times. The impact they are having has had a ripple effect, inspiring area business owners, local neighborhoods and people who work in the area. Although it wasn't their motive in moving, they have seen their numbers increase! Concerning themselves with community has had a magnetic effect of sorts.

We have seen this before... if you have spent any time reading through the book of acts you will know what I mean. Acts is a book of the bible that is an account of the time immediately following Jesus' ascension. The apostles are all left to live in this truth that is Jesus and lead others in the way. It went a little something like this...

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

To the apostles, community was key. They lived the call of Christ, day in and day out. Those who were part of this gave of themselves and their possessions... and get this, they did it willingly!

Although we the church tend to get this wrong, a lot, I am choosing to focus on when we get it right.

I will think of my friend's church Renovatus and how they are bringing hope to a neighborhood that had none.

I will think of my church, Forest Pointe and appreciate that impacting the world around us for the cause of Christ is of the utmost importance.

And I will think of the women with whom I share my Tuesday mornings. How we encourage one another in our walks and engage in thing called community.

I know this list could go on and on and in that realization is some hope.

The telling.

2009-11-02T09:40:00.000-08:00

I love movies, books, songs, anything that tells a story. They fascinate me, capture my attention and leave me mulling over the characters. It is a real passion of mine.

To me, it doesn't really matter if it is a chic flick, comedy, action or just a great book. My concern is with the telling. Do the characters reach beyond the surface? Does the story line invite me in? Is there a journey?

Every now and then I will come across an exceptional telling, one that leaves the characters lingering in my mind for days following the movie credits, final lyrics or last page. This is the sign of a great story teller.

However, for every great story, there are those that miss the mark. Those that leave you annoyed, wanting your money back as well as the time it took to watch, read or listen! The reasons vary... bad acting, bad writing, tired lyrics, no plot, predictable plot, overdone plot... the list could go on and on. However, the stories that really leave me frustrated are the ones that are not only bad, but damaging. For whatever reason they leave a negative mark on an unsuspecting viewer.

Now I know some of you might disagree. I have heard and argued myself that art is subjective... sort of like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? I believe that. However, when does art cross the line to trash? When does someone's dangerous or out right incorrect depiction warrant a response? The line can be blurry at best.

The mom in me would like to regulate Hollywood, the music industry, magazines, TV and so forth to a point I am comfortable with... however, the story teller in me fears this. So I am left to be the auditor of what my children and I read, see and hear.
And you know what? I am OK with that.

I faced this the other night while renting a movie based on an old cartoon for kids. In fact, I loved the cartoon growing up. It was action packed, hero filled and the good guys always won. To be honest, the movie was much of the same except for one thing... the depiction of women. To say I was disgusted would be an incredible understatement... appalled was more like it.

In this movie women were made to be nothing more than mindless sex objects! Bending over in a suggestive manner while doing totally mundane tasks... wearing outfits that left VERY little to the imagination and all the while appearing to be desperate for sex and men. The only female character with any depth whatsoever was killed off with in 1 minute of her introduction into the story line.

I think what bothered me the most was this movie had been marketed to children in particular... to my children.

How are we to raise young men and women of God in a world that more often than not defines their roles in this way? Men are more than empty sexual pursuers and women shouldn't be reduced to looking good and giving it up! But yet, that is the message society most often sends.

However disheartening this can be, I know there is hope. In the midst of this mess, God is working. He is calling on women everywhere to take up the cause of reclaiming the worth of women. God has laid this passion on my heart and it has been incredible to see where He leads.

He nudges me at home to direct my childrens path, giving them God's word instead of the worlds. He leads me in story so that I and others may heal. He crosses my path with women who share my passion and with this new found mass comes forward momentum. He is changing the heart and mind of women everywhere... reaffirming what He created them to be. Glorious, thinking, respectful, beautiful women of God.

I have to remind myself of this when I come across a movie or story that is so disappointing. But most of all, I remind myself of this when I face the real life women who dress, act and feel like the most demeaning female character of any story. I know their pain and pray that they too can find their worth in God. I want them to know they don't need to dress like that anymore. That, their body is merely a vessel for the beauty inside. That God created them for more than "this" and that He loves them endlessly.

I pray they can know the peace I now know.

Some day, if women begin to understand this, there will be a collective sigh of relief reverberating around the world. The exhale will be love. Love for one's self, love for other women and love for the God who created us. What a beautiful telling that will be.

Scripture to meditate on this week...
John 1:12
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—
If you choose to believe, you have chosen to be His.

John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.
You are special and chosen.

My Anchor.

2009-10-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

For many, going home is something to look forward to. I know folks who can't wait to visit family, friends, old schools and places they use to hang. Sometimes their remembrances of home are accurate and other times they are a hyped up romanticized version of the actual place. At any rate, when it comes time to go they are excited for the journey down memory lane.

However, I am not one of those people.

For me, going home is a time consuming and arduous process. Home is 12 hours north of where I live now and the place I made all my bad choices. It is a living remembrance of a lifestyle left behind and I have a hard time going there.

This anxiety I have with going home is not because of the family or friends there. Yes, they are part of my memories however I made my own decisions. Decisions based in part on my circumstances and the rest out of being a broken, lost girl.

In the end, I am left with the challenge of not wanting to hurt loved ones but at the same time not wanting to visit home. To be honest when I do visit, it is at times exhausting when trying to balance the two realities.

But because my angst with going home sometimes hurts loved ones I have spent a lot of time burying my feelings. However, two weeks ago when a dear Aunt died I had to face all the apprehension head on.

There was no time to prepare, no time to tell myself over and over "You are not that person any more" and, there no one to go with me. I was going home alone. Basically, with this trip I had no anchor to my present. I know it may sound strange, but the anchor helps. When my husband or friend is with me, they serve as a physical reminder of the truth of my new life. A life forgiven, full of grace and mercy.

But, there was a funeral. A funeral for an Aunt and I needed to go, even alone. To be honest, I love my Aunt and not only needed to go, I wanted to be there.

I spent a lot of time praying on the plane. Praying for safe travels... praying for my children... praying for my husband... praying for strength and praying God would be with me the entire time, that He alone would be my anchor.

Solid Rock
When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil

On Christ the solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

Christ is our anchor and He promises so in scripture.

Hebrews 6:18-19
So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.

I went forward with my visit. Confident not in myself, but in my God who promises to be my anchor.

More truth.

Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

I can tell you Romans 8:28 is true, not because it is written but because He has shown me so in my life. On my visit, I felt His presence with me... and with it a release from the bondage of a life once lived. He gave me a redefinition of home.

This place I once lived is a part of me, it holds a place in my history but it does not define me. God defines me.

I stand in good company. Paul was able to shed his past of murdering Christians and later do great things for God. King David was able to repent from murder and adultery to then be called by God, a man after His own heart.

I am sure these men too received a redefinition of home. Christian Morgenstern once said, "Home is not where you live but where they understand you". I agree with Christian.

Home has become somewhat of a transient term for me... it changes from time to time, but is never with out God. And it is where "they" understand me.

What does your sign say?

2009-10-05T20:56:00.000-07:00

Disappointment. Frustration. Misunderstood. Incomplete truth.

These were all the feelings that flooded my heart when I drove home yesterday. What drove me to feel these things? Signs.

Signs are an everyday part of our lives. Signs allow us to know the speed limit and which way to go on the expressway. They help us on hospital visits, college campuses, the grocery store and so forth. Basically, the list could go on and on. However, the signs I encountered Sunday were, in my opinion, misguided daggers of judgment.

"Abortion kills" - "Jesus hates Abortion" - "Abortion is Murder"

My heart broke as we passed a line of 20 or so people holding these signs. Don't get me wrong, I know the people were well meaning and I believe the statements on the signs they held to be true. However, I also know these signs serve to turn the broken and hurting away rather than welcoming them into the healing arms of Jesus. I know this because I am one of the broken, hurting women who made the choice to have an abortion.

The older boy I was dating assured me he wanted no part of the pregnancy and I was scared to death. So, I agreed to have an abortion. I was 14 and positive God hated me.

When he took me to the clinic I encountered signs like these... signs that confirmed my worst fears. Angry men and women yelled at me, telling me how I would pay for my choice. The more they yelled the more I wanted to be inside, away from them.

I knew the choice I was making was wrong, every fiber of my being screamed so. However, what I needed from the protesters was a reason not to make that choice. I needed an offer of love and acceptance rather than one of hate and judgment.

In Ephesians 4:32, the Apostle Paul talks specifically about forgiveness. He says...

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Paul knew all too well what being forgiven looked like when lived out. He was a man who, prior to following Christ, murdered Christians for a living. Killing was his job!
However, Christ met Paul where he was. In the depth of Paul's sin Christ reached out and forgave him. His sign said "Paul, you are loved. You are mine. There is no need to go down this road any longer."

When I consider this, I have to ask myself... "What does my sign say?" Am I welcoming the hurting and broken people of this world or am I casting judgment? Does my life and actions reflect the forgiveness I have received? Does yours?

At 14, I had no idea the lasting consequences of my decision. I did not know the regret of that day would haunt me for many years to come. My minds eye could not see past the moment I was in. However, 10 years later I came to know the love of Christ. He forgave me despite my sin... despite the abortion.

I needed to hear about His love that day at the clinic. However, not one person reached out to me. Riddled with pain, I walked past an untold number of Christians who, despite their good intentions, failed to convey God's love to me. Sadly, my only comfort was getting inside the building.

I didn't need a sign to tell me what I was doing was wrong. I already knew that. What I needed was a sign telling me Jesus loved me and somewhere I could be accepted. I needed to know there was hope.

Love, forgiveness, hope and a place to find it all. That is the sign I want to hold.

:: called to love ::

2009-09-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

The other day at Panera I lost the key to my prius. I searched frantically, retracing my steps, emptying my purse and even asking the 3 women who sat at my table after me to move so I could look there. It was gone. At this point I was near tears. You see, I have no other key. We bought the car used and it came with only one key... only one.

Defeated, I pulled out my phone and prepared to call my husband. But, just as I was dialing the numbers my friend came running toward me with one hand held triumphantly in the air. She had found my key! Apparently, I dropped it on the restroom floor earlier in the morning. In all the commotion and panic I had forgotten to check the bathroom... I had forgotten where I had been.

I think we all do that from time to time. We get busy with life... church, family, appointments, work and other things that pull at us. Sometimes our minds are so flooded with where we are going that we forget where we have been.

I know this may seem like a strange message from someone who is constantly talking about leaving our past behind... but, please, hear me out on this. As hard as it may sometimes be, we need to remember.

remembering | allows us to recognize the sting of sin and carefully avoid it
remembering | leaves us with a grateful heart toward the God Who saved us
remembering | gives us empathy for those in need, who are where we were

Avoid sin:
Please notice, I did not say be perfect. Avoid sin simply means learn from your past. Recognize situations and or relationships that can serve as triggers to bad choices, then avoid them if you can.

Have a grateful heart:
Live joyfully because you have been set free! I walk everyday with a glad heart because I have been released from my past. Remembering where I once was makes me all the more grateful to be where I am today.

Empathize
Hurting people are everywhere. If you have been healed of your past, then by all means share that gift with someone else. Be a friend, encourager or counselor. Let that hurting person know they are not alone and then, point them to Jesus.

I made so many of bad choices. My history reads much like Danielle Steele meets the Las Vegas strip. (lol) However, through God I have been able to put my past in perspective. As Jesus spoke of in Matthew 16:24 we are to turn from our past, take up our cross and follow Him.

This scripture leaves me challenged and asking myself where does my life fall on this truth? Did I turn? Am I taking up my cross? Can I follow?

Being forgiven is a perplexing thing. Although I trust in it, it calls me out of my comfort zone, constantly challenging me to examine my heart. God did not save me to sit still... nor did He save me to live under the oppression of my past. However, He did save me so that I could love as I have been loved (John 13:34-35). And remembering where I once was, makes living this call that much more rewarding.

"So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35

I left Panera grateful that my friend had remembered where I was even though I had not. Then I prayed that God would never allow me to forget again.

:: By His strength I avoid
:: Because of His love I have joy
:: And through His leading I love

Let's be real

2009-09-17T14:24:00.000-07:00

I need to confess something to you all... I hate my stomach. And although the list of things I like about my body is way longer than the list of the don't likes... I focus on the don't, which is usually my stomach.

I make diet decisions based on it, decide what to wear because of it and spend too much time thinking about it. Way too much. The really sad part is, I am not the only one.

Lately, I have been polling my friends to see if they too suffer from this fractured focus ailment. Through my talks with them I hear of women who are unhappy with their nose, feet, ears, eyes, chest, hands, weight and... the list could go on.

Where does this come from? My husband tells me he loves everything about me and he means it. My children certainly don't care if I have six pack abs or not, so... why do I? Why do we?

I think one of the biggest reasons we struggle with a correct definition of beauty, is because we look to the world to define it. However, society didn't create beauty, God did... so let's see what He has to say about beauty.

In 1 Samuel God seems to clear up any confusion on the subject. Here we see how God sent Samuel to find a new King. He sends Samuel, to a group of brothers and tells him one of them will be the King. Samuel, being human, decides upon appearance whom God had chosen... but then he learns how wrong he was!

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

The Lord had chosen David who was the youngest of all the brothers, and apparently, not the best looking one! God found beauty in David, but not in his physical appearance. He found worth in David's heart.

If this definition of beauty seems weird to you, I completely understand. Living in our world makes this idea somewhat of a hard sell... but nonetheless, we really, really need to get this. Not just for our own sanity, but for the next generation as well.

Watch this...

I see young girls everywhere living out their interpretation of beauty. Tight shirts, low cut shirts, extra makeup, barely there skirts... all worn by girls seeking some sort of affirmation. Girls who want to be told they are beautiful. These girls grow to be women, just like you and me. Women who are unhappy with a certain part of their body... missing the truth that God created extraordinary beauty with in them.

Someone once said, “You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her”. Know this... God loves you and finds you absolutely breathtaking. (pause and drink that in)

Prayer
Father God, let me know I am beautiful. That you made me according to your design and I am exactly as You meant for me to be. Let my heart be satisfied. Reteach me beauty according to Your definition and weed out anything else. Thank you for loving me.
Amen

Want to read more about your beauty within? Captivating by Staci Eldridge is a great resource!

Everyone has a story.

2009-09-12T07:09:00.001-07:00

Yesterday my husband and I drove to Jacksonville, FLA from our home near Charlotte, NC. We hit our destination about 2pm and were back on the road, headed for home only 45 minutes later! So, needless to say it was a long, long day. Thirteen hours in the car makes for one weary blogger. :-)
However, I had to share a story I heard along the way on my favorite radio show... This American Life.

A group of about nine reporters decided to spend a couple of days camped out at a travel plaza (rest stop) in northern New York. While there, they interviewed the many people stopping in on their way to where ever it was they were headed. The stories were colorful and varied. There was a nine year old boy on his way to fish with his father, sustaining a family tradition that dated back to his great great grandfather. Then there was the man who was returning his son to his mother after summer vacation... he offered the following valuable advice: "Never take your new girlfriend with you to pick up your kid at your ex-girlfriend's house". He qualified his advice with bruises on his back. We should all probably write that one down (lol!). And even more strange, was the chain smoking pilates instructor who drove an old yellow school bus. At 3am, he took a mat out and commenced with stretching and singing. Weird stuff.

However, in the middle of the eccentricity there was a story that spoke to me. One of the reporters happened upon a couple who had been together nearly 30 years. They seemed beyond happy and even agreed to let this journalist ride with them for a bit! Once in the car he recorded joyful banter between the couple... the kind of verbal dance that is perfected only by years of practice. Everything seemed great until the journalist asked a question about the woman's parents. Almost immediately, a story of abandonment and rejection spilled out. This woman, who only moments ago had been the life of the party, was now struggling to speak through her tears. One question brought deep brokenness to the surface.

I rode the rest of the way home thinking of the woman's tragic story. Realizing, most of us have a story that can take us to tears at a moments notice. If you have breath you have hurt. The amount and severity varies, but nonetheless it is there.

For a long time I hid my story. I was ashamed and couldn't see how God could use my pain for purpose. My past held me hostage. And the more I learn about others, the more I see I am not alone in this. We all have something, some pain, some story that has shaped us in an undeniable way.

Everyone has a story.

The woman at the well had a story too. In John 4:1-30 we read about a Samaritan woman who was visiting the well. Upon meeting Jesus her story is revealed. After some back and forth, He tells her she has had five husbands and the man she is with now is not her husband! At this point, she could have walked away in shame. But instead, she stays. She continues the conversation, drinking in Jesus and then runs back to town asking others to come meet Him with her.

"Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, "Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" They came out of the town and made their way toward him. John 4:28-30 NIV

I think she got it... this woman no longer cared about the water in the well. Leaving the jug behind, she pointed others to the living water, to Jesus. Her story, became God's story.

God calls us to the same. In pain and in joy, we should point others to Him with our entire life. ENTIRE LIFE. Your story, as painful as it may be, needs to be purposed. It needs to point to God. We can't hide behind shame, fear or regret any longer.

The gift of Jesus on the cross demands a response. But, what sort of response is defeat? When we hide our stories, for whatever reason, we in a way accept defeat. Trust me, you don't want to settle for this.

God has so much more for you. When I finally let go, He opened a world of healing for me. My past and the pain in it, no longer owns me. God directs it for His good and His glory.

Make your story GOD'S STORY... and take joy in the gift of seeing purpose played out.

We haven't even begun to scratch the surface...

2009-09-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

I need to share with you all a truth that was given to me recently. "Anyone who says God does not pursue us, in my opinion, doesn't really know God." Let me explain...

I have been taking walks lately, walks that serve a dual purpose. First, it gets me off my fanny, but most importantly, it allows me some "alone" time with God. This time away, is really becoming important to me. On my walks I am able to see and appreciate His creation. In this time alone I share my heart with God and try really hard to listen to Him.

A couple of days ago I was on one of these walks and sort of failed at the listening part. To be honest, I completely blew it! I was having this one sided conversation with God when I began to reason away something He had laid on my heart. My list of reasons for not following His leading was long and seemed very logical. The more I reasoned, the more I believed my interpretation of the situation. And, by the end of the walk I decided not to call the acquaintance who was going through personal struggles... nope, that was not my job.

However, about 30 seconds later, I ran into this woman (serious). And wouldn't you know it, I continued to reason with God! In my heart I said, "OK God, if you want me to reach out to her, she will bring her situation up, not me." Then, about 30 seconds into the conversation she brought up her situation (serious).

My heart broke for her, the pain she is experiencing is real and crushing. She can barely see through the hurt to recognize a God who is pursuing her. God loves her so much, that He wouldn't let me hide from this... He put her pain right in front of my face. He is running after her, just like He runs after you and me.

Which leads me to Ephesians again. In chapter 3 Paul says something that should rock our world.

"And may you have the power to understand as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:18-19 NLT

I love that. Know it... feel it, but know God's love is too great to really, really get it. Paul says, we haven't even begun to scratch the surface! So cool.

My friend, definitely hasn't begun to scratch the surface. She is hurting and rightfully so. However, God is pursuing her in her pain. He is knocking on the hearts of His beloved, asking them to listen... sending them her way. His use of me in the pursuit, is a blessing and not something to be reasoned away.

God is with us through the pain and joy. If we let Him, He will orchestrate all things for our good and His glory. Are you reasoning your way out or allowing Him to use you in the pursuit?

If you would like to read the referenced chapter you can find it here Ephesians Chapter 3 on Biblegateway.com

Takes one to know one.

2009-09-02T06:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a moment where your insight was so keen, you surprised even yourself? I mean really, really surprised yourself? The kind of situation where you have a thought or make a comment that until that very moment you really hadn't grasped the reality of something... and you are left thinking "Where did that come from?"

I had one of those moments yesterday when speaking with a friend. We were discussing a situation and the words slipped out before I even felt them forming... "takes one to know one" I said. Takes one to know one? I hadn't uttered those words since grade school. Like when Terry W. would call me and my friend Stacy names. We would rebut with the "takes one to know one" comeback and marvel at our superior intelligence. Those were the days...

But, here I am, far from grade school, having an adult conversation. And to my surprise, these words that I had not spoke since the fifth grade play ground were leaving my lips.

It is hard for me to explain how and why this was happening. For confidentiality purposes I can't say much, except we were discussing women who desire male attention. When wondering why I could see things that maybe a friend couldn't the words came out of my mouth and ran straight for my heart. "Takes one to know one." I said.

I was one... by "one" I mean a woman that leaves a path of destruction a mile wide behind them all in the name of feeding the male attention need. I was one and would still be one had it not been for Christ.

Let's visit Ephesians again.

"Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil- the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God's anger, just like everyone else." Ephesians 2:1-3 NLT

Just like everyone else... or you could say takes one to know one.

God used that conversation to teach me something:
My insight into the sinful nature of someone is only because I was once that someone. I recognize myself in the sin. God showed me my failure, my own inequity. It was a humbling night to say the least.

However, the lesson didn't stop there. God continued to work on my heart last night, read on in Ephesians and you will see what I mean.

"But God is so rich in mercy, and he loves us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God's grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus." Ephesians 2:4-6 NLT

Although I recognized myself in the sin, I don't live in defeat. God saved me! By His rich mercy, He saved me. So, although shame may try to creep in and accusation may often knock on my door, I look to God. His promise, that He died for my past, present and future sin is what sustains me. It is what drives me. This former "one", is now ONE OF HIS.

If you would like to read more, the scripture for today is Ephesians 2:1-7, found here todays reading on Biblegateway.com.

Chosen.

2009-08-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

Sara, one of my best friends, is always humored by the way I delight in my husband. She thinks it is cute the way I swoon over Dan and always want to be with him. It still sends my heart a flutter to think that he chose me. You see, I crushed on him silently for quite some time before we ever dated. To be honest, I never thought he noticed me. So, when we began dating I was excited and shocked all at the same time. Excited, because I was crazy about him and shocked because he felt the same way. He chose me.

Any of us who have been chosen know the value linked to it and because of this, liked to be picked. Whether it's being one of the first chosen for the middle school team or getting selected for a promotion, we like the way it feels.

Why is that? Why does the value someone else places on us matter so much?

In the middle of my quiet time this morning I felt God anchoring me, once again, in this area of value. However, this time, He was nudging me in the direction of how He chose us. God, before time began, chose us.

Read Ephesians 1:4 NLT ::

"Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and with out fault in his eyes."

:: lie :: God doesn't care about me personally.
:: truth :: God chose me for himself before the beginning of time.

Ephesians 1:5 goes on to further blow my mind! ::

"God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure".

Incredible! It gave God great pleasure to choose us. I pray this truth not only is revealed to you, but that it also stays with you. God loves you and I so dearly that He intentionally, with out hesitation, chose us for Himself.

When Dan chose me it changed my life. I fell head over heels in love with a man who I always thought was out of my reach. I pursued him and worked tirelessly to please Him. However, I am not sure I can say the same about my relationship with God.

I go to church, I pray, I serve, I read and write... but, do I really chase after the God who chose me? Do I give him the place He deserves in my schedule? In my day? In my heart? Do I choose Him? Do you?

Considering my past, it surprising God chose me... however, when thinking of my often unfaithful heart, it is absolutely stunning.

Realizing my short comings could really leave me in a desperate state. But, when we skip ahead a chapter in Ephesians, the Apostle Paul offers some peace for those of us who continually fall short.

Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast."

It is this free grace God offers that drives me to know Him more. I wake up each day with a renewed heart, vowing to do better. Not because He requires it, but because He does not. His unconditional love calls me to more.

However, thank goodness my being chosen is not based on my worth, but instead is based on the worth of Christ. In the words of my 9 year old son Josh... that is "GRAWESOME"! (translation; great+awesome=grawesome)

(If you would like to read more about how God chose you, read Ephesians 1:1-14 in your bible, or follow this link Bible Gateway Ephesians 1:1-14 New Living Translation )

who defines you?

2009-08-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

My 12 year old step daughter Jordan is staying with us for summer vacation. I always look forward to her visits because we all miss her when she is gone... and, for a short time, when she is here, the scales of girl power are tipped in our favor! However, with every visit she changes more and more.

Jordan is now in the "tween" years and with that, spends her time focusing on "tween" things. Getting ready is a two hour ordeal, one outfit per day is absolutely not enough and the sea of dirty laundry on her bedroom floor is spilling out into the hallway. Don't get me wrong, she is still an incredible girl with a sweet heart but, she is growing up. Conversations about dance class have been traded in for the latest drama between girlfriends. Yes folks, she has started down the slippery slope of woman hood.

Learning how to shift our parenting has been quite the ride. We want to teach Jordan to see God as her everything... to see herself through His lens. However, it seems like we are in constant competition with a world that tells her beauty is on the outside and image is everything. Despite our best efforts, this battle is far from over. How do I know this? Because I still battle with image. And when I speak to my friends, I realize I am not alone.

God gives us comfort and promise in His word. He tells us over an over where He finds value and beauty, yet we forget this and adopt the world's standards. Samuel of the old testament did this too. He was seeking out a replacement King when God sent him to see a sheepherder named Jessie. Samuel was told by God that one of Jessie's sons' would be the replacement King. And, like so many of us do, Samuel judged by the outside... incorrectly assuming whom God had chosen. However, God quickly corrected Samuel.

"But God told Samuel, "Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 The Message

I love that! "Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart."! If there is one thing I pray for Jordan, it is that she will come to understand this truth.

One of my favorite passages in all of scripture is Psalm 139:13-16. Just like the verses in Samuel, it reveals where God places value and finds beauty.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day. The Message

lie | external beauty determines my value
truth | God determined my value at creation and He values me greatly

Our God doesn't care if we have six pack abs or if our hair is perfect. He doesn't fret over acne and certainly doesn't pay any mind to the brand of jeans we are wearing. God sees past our human shell and looks into our being, examining our heart.

When I consider this truth, it leaves me with a challenge... to guide Jordan through my own transformation. Maybe, spend less time working on my appearance and more time working on my heart!

Finding Our Purpose: Wisdom According to Jeff

2009-08-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

Many of us struggle at one time or another with "finding our purpose". It is as if we are a version of Indiana Jones, swinging from vine to vine in search of the ever illusive next clue in our life's journey. Is this you? Do you sometimes doubt if you will ever figure out what you were meant to do?

It seems like so many of us struggle with this. Just look at the enormous amount of books written on this subject ...

The Purpose of Your Life: Finding Your Place In The World Using Synchronicity, Intuition, And Uncommon Sense
Finding Your Life Purpose
Live Your Calling: A Practical Guide to Finding and Fulfilling Your Mission in Life
Lifework: Finding Your Purpose in Life
S.H.A.P.E.: Finding & Fulfilling Your Unique Purpose for Life

This list could have went on and on and on... so you get the point! We all desire to find our purpose. When I really began to search, I was blessed enough to meet a pastor who offered some words of wisdom. I hope, in some way his words can help you too!

When my husband transitioned to full time ministry about four years ago we were fortunate enough to interview with some great churches. One of them, New Song Church in New Bern, NC flew us out for a visit. There, we met an great staff led by Pastor Jeff Severt.

On our visit that Sunday, we heard a message about finding our purpose in life. Jeff spoke about how God had uniquely created each and everyone of us for a purpose. He said if we don't operate inside of that purpose, not only do we short change us but we deprive the world of the gift God had for it through us.

I liked what I was hearing, but to be honest had heard a version of it all before. In my short time as a Christian (5 years back then), I had heard at least half a dozen messages on purpose. I was pretty sure this was going to be another typical message that said find your purpose and do it because you will be miserable if you don't.

But... Pastor Jeff went a step further. He gave us a formula to find our purpose! This was definitely a first. Jeff said "When, what you are passionate about, meets with what you are fruitful in, there lies your purpose." So basically...

passion + fruit= purpose

I know... it seems so simple. But, think about it. There are things you are probably good at but maybe not really passionate about? So there is fruit but no passion. Or, maybe things you are passionate about but absolutely bear no fruit in. Been there! However, Jeff was weeding through all this confusion.

For the first time someone had given me a formula for figuring out what I was made to do. I thought I was "on my way" for sure. However, God had other plans.

You see, sometimes our purpose isn't revealed right away. As badly as I wanted to discover God's plan for me, it took 4 years after hearing Jeff's formula to even get a hint of what my purpose is. To be honest, I am still in the middle of discovering it.

But the cool thing is, God did A LOT of work on me in the past four years. Refining edges, healing wounds and drawing me closer to Him. Had God revealed my purpose when I heard Jeff's message, I would have been so unprepared! But instead, He spent His time working on me, preparing my heart and life so that I would be able to follow His plan for me.

lie | God doesn't care about the details of my life
truth | My God is a God of great detail who cares about the specifics of my life

There is a passage in Ephesians that I believe really shows how detailed oriented God is. I picked the Message translation because I think, it best translates what God is saying here.

Ephesians 1:11-12 Message
"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone."

Do yourself a favor and chew on this today. God loved us long before we even heard of Him. He has plans for us and has gifted each and every one of us with being part of the "overall purpose". Friends, if you are searching for your purpose, the promises don't get much better than that!

It's time to empty the bottle.

2009-08-15T18:42:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite places is my front porch. On my front porch I enjoy the privacy our cul-de-sac street offers. There, I can keep a watchful eye on the kids as they play, enjoy the shade of our many trees and chat with friendly neighbors. Our dogs sit on the steps patrolling the street while I am either reading a book or playing cards with my wonderful husband. Yeah, life is good here in North Carolina. However, I don't think I would appreciate the peace my life now has had I not first experienced the trials.

lie :: our past defines our future

truth :: God defines our future

I see my trials through God's lense. Through Him I am able to find purpose in my past and help other women either heal from similar wounds or avoid them all together. However, for too long in my walk with Christ I lived in regret. My past sins haunted me, so badly it was like I wore a cloak of guilt. Memories of past choices would flood my mind at the most inopportune times... like, for instance in the middle of worship! Despite my attempts to push out the thoughts, the memory of some guy, a drunken night or whatever, would eventually win the battle. My mind knew I was forgiven but my heart could not fathom it. After all, I knew how bad I really was.

The woman who poured perfume on Jesus' feet knew how bad she was too. She was so ashamed that she approached Jesus from behind and began wetting His feet with her perfume and tears. This appalled Simon the Pharisee who's house Jesus was at. Simon doubted Him and thought if Jesus were really a prophet He would never let such a woman touch Him. However, Jesus not only qualifies this encounter... He gives the woman so much more.

"Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little. Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."" Luke 7:44-48 NIV

This woman most likely had heard Jesus' message of compassion, forgiveness and love and knew He was her hope. She showed great courage by showing up there and doing what she did... which should tell us how great her desire was to be free from her burden of sin. I think this woman was tired of her past defining her future.

When we do this, when we live in the past, it is as if we are holding our potential hostage. We fail to really accept that God's forgiveness is enough. Know this, no sin is too great for the God Who loves you. How do I know you ask? I tell you this from experience.

Promiscuity... been there... FORGIVEN.
Lying... been there... FORGIVEN.
Hatred... been there... FORGIVEN.
Adultery... been there... FORGIVEN.

I got tired of carrying my sin around with me. The weight was crushing my spirit and robbing me of any real joy. Eventually, I was able to empty my bottle too... and Jesus responded to me just as He did to our brave sister in Luke.

Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace." Luke 7:50 NIV

Is it time to empty your bottle? Do you need drop the cloak of regret? God can take the ashes of your past and find not only purpose, but also reveal beauty. I think the next time I sit on my front porch I will thank Him for the trials that shaped me and the beauty He purposed out of it.

lie :: painful regret is a consequence of my sinful past
truth :: regret turns into purpose when we empty our bottle

“Turn or Burn” and other methods of sending people away…

2009-08-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

(this was written on vacation earlier this week, but there was no internet at the campground!)

My family and I are vacationing in beautiful Virginia balancing our time between visiting historic sites and playing on the lake. Today, when driving to another campground, we passed a little country church. The church appeared to be your typical countryside church, including steeple and all. However, when I saw their sign my heart sank… it read, “Turn or Burn”.

The sign saddened and confused me. I thought of how Jesus spoke in Matthew about how we are to live and love…

Jesus replied, “‘ You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” 22:37-39 NLT

Jesus didn’t say love only the Christians. No, He said love your neighbor. Jesus makes no distinction between followers and non-followers in this command. So, if Jesus didn’t, why would we?

Before I get a bunch of you upset, know this… I am not accusing this church of hating people outside of the faith. But, what I am saying is this sign can (actually, usually does) send the wrong message to those seeking God.

These churches may be good intentioned, but sometimes that isn’t enough. If our aim is to bring people in to hear the healing word of God, a sign invoking fear seems like a really bad choice. Unfortunately, I think churches fail to see the countless souls this sign, and others like it, turn away.

Sadly, I have heard some churches claim it is the world’s fault for not seeing the truth. But I wonder if it is our fault for not showing the world what the love of Christ looks like.

When I was saved I was living with my boyfriend (now husband), raising a son from a previous relationship, recovering from years of bad choices born out of an equally bad childhood. To be honest, I had been really bad and was afraid God hated me. Had the church I visited displayed a similar sign I would have turned all right… right out of the parking lot!

Instead, I found a safe place. There, people looked passed my sin, loved me where I was at, and saw God’s potential with in me. Their Godly character not only modeled Christianity for me, but it endeared me to the heart of God. That is what Jesus was talking about when He said, “Love the Lord God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind… and love your neighbors as you love yourself.” Jesus knew the heart of God shining through us would love people into the Kingdom.

When I look at my children I see it so clearly. I don’t want them to obey me because they are scared of the wrath I can bring down on them… I want them to obey me because they love me. Jesus said this too… He said, in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” I love Him and want to obey Him.

I am not sure if you are a member of a church who puts this on their sign, if you are… I ask you to consider what this looks like to those who don’t know Christ. Maybe if we focus on showing our neighbors love that will be enough of a “sign”.

When we rounded the corner a couple miles past the first church, we came across another sign. This one read “ House of Healing”. It is good to know there are churches out their providing a safe place for people like me.

God heals skinned elbows and broken souls!

2009-08-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things to do is talk "life" with a young child. I love hearing their interpretation of relationships, politics, money and many other grown up topics. My nine year old Josh has an overactive mind and often shares his thoughts on all of these subjects with me. One time, after seeing a homeless man, he came up with really cool plan on how to help. Josh suggested we teach the homeless people how to be fire men. He said, "Then, they can live at the fire station, save up the money they make till they can move out and let the next person move in and learn how." I was so proud, my 9 year old was making social policy. Then, there was another time when he was so saddened by seeing an area of trees clear cut that he declared "When I grow up and be president I will make it law that they have to plant a tree some place else when they cut one down to build something." First social policy now environmental causes!

Although all of Josh's ideas are great, something he said yesterday left me especially proud. He pointed to his elbow and said, "I hurt it jumping in my roller blades. It was all red and scraped but now it is all better cuz God healed it."

To be honest with you, it wasn't just what he said, it was how he said it. Josh's tone was so matter of fact... so, almost expectant. I realized, Josh trusts God so much that he expects any wound he gets WILL be healed. I love that!

We should all trust God so completely. However, this idea only works if we also relinquish control. Trusting God doesn't mean we expect Him to "give us what we want". No, not at all. Trusting God may mean accepting a no when we prayed for a yes. Maybe it will be following an uncomfortable calling or it might even mean letting go of your past. Whatever the case, it requires us to get out of the driver seat.

In Matthew 25-34 we hear Jesus explaining as simply as He can why we should trust God.

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." NLT

I feel like what Jesus is really saying here is... "JUST TRUST". When I think of how broken my life once was I realize how silly it is that I need to be reminded of this!
What I made a mess of He made beautiful.
What I thought was lost, He restored.
Where I felt pain, He found purpose.

God healed Josh's skinned elbow, my broken soul and He wants to heal you. If you haven't allowed Him to radically redefine you, may I ask why not? Or better yet, can I say "JUST TRUST!"?

The Forgiveness Business

2009-08-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

Waiting tables is one of the least favorite jobs I've ever had. So much of my success as a waitress depended on the actions of others. The kitchen had to get the order just right, the customer needed to be in a somewhat reasonable mood and the tray runner had to deliver the food in record time, every time. Unfortunately, things didn't always work out in my favor and the customers disappointment was usually relayed to me one way or another. I am sure this experience is not unique to me... talk to someone who has waited tables at any time in their life and they will probably give you a version of the same story.

About two years ago my husband's brothers came in for a visit and we all went out to dinner. We had been at the speedway earlier in the evening and hit the restaurant late that same night. I noticed right away our waitress seemed overwhelmed with her table of eight. There was a lot of confusion on what could be ordered because the grill was in the process of shutting down. Our entrees took forever and when it reached the table much of the order was wrong. There was a lot of frustration.

My heart went out to the frazzled waitress. She did not have a normal table of eight to contend with. No, sitting at this table was a very successful food service industry executive, who is also my brother in law. He works in the same industry as this waitress and has for several years. So, his standards of service, are quite high... as they should be. However, his expectations left little room for grace.

When we were all leaving the restaurant my brother in law took the waitress aside and expressed his displeasure with the experience. Now mind you, my brother in law is a great guy. However, he felt it was his duty as someone in the "business" to share his disappointment.

It made me think of my relationship with God. I was grateful that when I had failed Him, He didn't take me aside and express His disappointment. That instead He welcomed me with open arms and buried my wrongs in the deepest sea. The fact God forgives us, loves us and wants relationship with us is beyond cool. This is not something we could ever earn on our own. Paul talked about it in Ephesians 2:4-9 NLT:

"But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus.
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it."

When the rest of the family left the restaurant I stayed behind. I felt bad for this waitress who was saddled with, what I saw, as an impossible situation. When I found her I apologized, asked her forgiveness and gave her a hug. To my surprise she broke out in tears. This poor girl had a really bad day! She thanked me for my words and looked genuinely relieved.

The next day I let my brother in law know his comments had made the waitress cry. He felt awful! Then my husband Dan piped up and offered some advice to his brother. Dan said, "Well, you are in the food service business, but we are in the forgiveness business." Dan had summed up in one sentence what should be true of all Christ followers. We have been forgiven for so much, who are we to not show grace?

Maybe, we should all be in the "forgiveness business"...

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it." Ephesians 2:8-9 NLT

Life lessons from a rough river and 13 year old boy...

2009-08-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

This past June, my family and I vacationed in the mountains of North Carolina. On the recommendation of a friend we were able to find a campground located right down the road from some serious whitewater tubing. For only four to five dollars a day, you could rent a tube and ride the river as much as you wanted. However, our tubing adventure started out rough. Dan lost his prescription sunglasses on the first waterfall and the rest of us dumped it at one time or another. After the first ride, I had a bruised knee, my oldest son Brad had a scraped back and my youngest boy Josh insisted he would never do that again!

However, the allure of the river was too much. The next day, Dan and our daughter Jordan decided to brave the rapids again. Except, this time they went into it with a plan. They stood on a high point in the valley, watched others ride the rapids and paid attention to what worked. Soon they learned to navigate the river and what was once overwhelming, became a ton of fun!

Life can be so much like that river. It can toss you around, leaving you battered and bruised. Sometimes it is our own doing and others times we are the victim of a hidden waterfall. Whatever the case, we have a Savior who is not surprised by the rapids our life takes.

In Psalm 139:13-16 we are assured of this truth...

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."

Although our life may surprise, disappoint or even shock us, God is not shaken. He knew the path our life would take. He was not surprised when my upbringing left me with an empty heart. He did not cover His eyes in disbelief when I went searching and made mistakes trying to fill the emptiness. Nothing is unexpected to our God... He knew I would eventually find Him.

On my last ride down the river my 13 year old left me with some wonderful words of wisdom. His tube was being stubborn and kept turning backwards, frustrated he said "I hate looking backwards, I can only see where I've been and I can never see where I am going." It was then that this truth struck me:

When we concentrate on our past sin, we only see where we have been in life and fail to see where God wants to take us in the future.

We are more than just a list of bad choices, our past does not define us. Instead, let God define your future through the lense of His grace and mercy. Let Him navigate you in your future. The ride may be filled with rapids at times but in the end it is so worth it!

melissa

A milestone maybe... miracle definately!

2009-08-04T07:06:00.000-07:00

"As for me, I look to the Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemies! For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. I will be patient as the Lord punishes me, for I have sinned against him. But after that, he will take up my case and give me justice for all I have suffered from my enemies. The Lord will bring me into the light, and I will see his righteousness." Micah 7:7-9 NLT

It was five years ago when God gave me this scripture to hold on to. I was in Nashville, Charlie Hall was on stage singing "Marvelous Light" and I was sitting in my seat wrestling with the reality of my sin. The song was penetrating my soul and then God led me to this scripture. His comfort left me speechless. After all I had done, all the sin, God still loved me enough to care for me through His word.

When we sin our hearts are so ashamed at our actions that we tend to hide from God. We project our human tendencies on Him and expect that He will tire of us. We assume He will surely reject us once and for all. When we do this, we ignore the truth before us. God promises us, in His word, that we can trust in our salvation. Read Psalm 103:10-12 NIV

"he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

Prior to my Nashville experience, I did not trust in my salvation. In fact, I believed that every time I fell I had to be saved all over again! My belief couldn't have been further from the truth.

When God led me to the Micah scripture my heart came alive again. It had felt so cold for so long that I was overwhelmed with emotion. But, later that night, I realized the scripture was God merely setting the stage for the real gift of freedom He had for me... trust in forgiveness. Through the speaker that night, God assured me that this gift of salvation was not a repeat customer type of thing. That Christ on the cross was enough for my past, present and future sin.

I cannot stress enough the change this made in my heart. Trusting in God's promise can be the difference between sadness and joy. Before this revelation, I was robbed of my joy. Please, don't waste a single moment as I did. Know your Savior loves you regardless of your past, present or future. Know this and trust in His love. When you walk in this freedom, you begin to really know intimacy.

God healed more than my trust issues that weekend, He healed my marriage. Out of our failings and my sin He created a beautiful union that is alive and thriving today. On July 30th, my husband Dan and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary! Our marriage, is a true testament to God's grace... nothing short of a miracle.

If you read on in Micah you will see further assurance of God's unfailing love. So let's end with Micah and a God who loves.

"Where is another God like you, who pardons the guilt of the remnant, overlooking the sins of his special people? You will not stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing unfailing love. Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!"Micah 7:18-19 NLT
How Great is His love!
melissa